Relaxation

So... Mom and Dad are leaving for four days on Thursday for California. My girlfriend is staying over for the couple days and I'm having one of the girls from work over with her two kids and my best friend Jay who just so happens to be in love with me but wont do anything about it. My sister will also be home and probably having one of her friends over to go swimming. Gonna be a good time. Work this weekend and then Wednesday next week I'm going to My dad's house down Point Pleasant to get away for awhile. Need to relax away from drama and bullshit. I'm working on getting things fixed in my life. Slowly but surely. Doesnt seem to be working very well but who knows. things could change. Teddy, the guy I'm seeing, comes back from Greece in four weeks. It will be nice to see him again. He emailed me this morning and told me he has been thinking about me and misses me. So Swweeeeetttt..... But one step at a time. Not rushing into it. Not going to let anyone hurt me again. I made that mistake once already. well a few times but the last one I trusted more than anyone else. So for now.. My mind and heart is off fucking limits

I've had so much going on lately. So much pain and betrayal and hurt and so many tears. And funny thing is it's not from just one person. it's from multiple people. three to be exact. First... I tell a best friend of 11 years something personal and I confided in him. I went to him b/c i was scared and just needed someone to talk to. So what does he do. The first chance he gets... He goes running to my ex infront of his new date and tells me him before I have a chance to tell him that I have been to the doctors and that I'm fine. That I was over reacting for no reason. Now my ex hates my fucking guts and feels that I betrayed him as a friend by not telling him. Fucking great. But I didn't. My best friend had no fucking right to tell him anything until I was ready to sit down and have that conversation face to face with him or on the phone with him once i had gone to the doctors. Now people hate me. Do I win EVER??? NO!!! Did he think he was saving the day or something b/c he wasn't. I'm trying to get my life together and turn over a new leaf and shit and he runs and tells my ex something that was not his place to say at all. I hate being judged and betrayed. FML!!!

Then today I start getting weird texts from my other ex saying he needs to talk to me but doesnt know how to. Wonderful I think to myself. What did I do NOW?? I finally call him and say ok... whats up?? just tell me... Oh boy did he tell me... He has found a new love. She reminds him of me in so many ways and he is falling hard and fast for her. He told her about me and who I am and how he destroyed my life and my heart. He sees my heart and soul in her eyes. God.. Does he smile at her the way he did with me? one corner of his mouth turned up when she does something cute? Does he have her jump into his arms and wrap her legs around his waist for that big hug that was only for me? How can you be away from someone for so long and then when they call you to get advice and tell you about that special someone, your heart seems to sink all over again.
I had that same feeling months ago for someone and now I wonder if I made him feel the same when I told him that I was in love. That I had someone who made me feel like I was ontop of the world. Made me feel like there was no one else in the room with just a touch of his hand. how he could make me feel beautiful even when i was sweats and no make up. God I hate this.