He was a great man. So smart. So caring and giving. Willing to rip the shirt off his back for you. He would go out thanksgiving night and find a hopeless huy on the streets and take them to dinner. I can remember the holidays, sitting arouns the table or in the living room, my sisters and I around his feet or sitting on the couch listening to his so fake yet wonderful stories about when he used to walk with the leader of a native american tribe. He was so funny. God I miss him.
He promised he would be the one to walk me down the aisle on my wedding day. He promised me alot of things that he never held up to b/c he left me sitting here all alone.
But I'm trying to show him that I'm the granddaughter he always wanted. I'm trying to carry on his name with pride. Ill do better that I did before.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Tigger and pressure
So...I'm getting all worked up and have no way of letting go of the tension. I am over my head in bills and have no job to take care of them. Does the economy have to suck this bad? I mean seriously. I am so tired of the shit already. I need a good paying job so i can get these bills paid and get a place of my own and start out on my own. I need the freedom again. I got addicted when I lived on my own. Coming home and makin myself something to eat if i felt like eating. Putting on my music and leaving the bathroom door open while I take a nice hot bath with a bottle of wine. Not listen to people bitch that the dishes werent done that night and bitch and complain that I forgot to take the garbage out.
I just want to be me with no one telling me how to do it. I can't do all that with no job and no car. UGH. But I have a wonderful man in my life that means the world to me and he is supporting me through all of it. I guess i just have to bite my tongue and hope for the best with whatever comes my way.
I just want to be me with no one telling me how to do it. I can't do all that with no job and no car. UGH. But I have a wonderful man in my life that means the world to me and he is supporting me through all of it. I guess i just have to bite my tongue and hope for the best with whatever comes my way.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Can You Hear Me Scream? Can You Feel My Tears?
I'm standing hear listening to bitch about my life and bitch about where it is headed. Why don't you back the fuck off and let me live it my way. Yeah I'm dating him and I want to be with him. Yes I'm happy. Its not going to end like the others and leave me sitting here in tears and torn in pieces wishing that I would just die. I know you want me to be alone. I know you want me to focus on my life, but how can I focus on my life is I'm not happy? How can I focus on my life when there is an amazing man in front of me that I want to be with so bad and you won't let me be happy with him. Wtop your fucking bitching. Shut your damn mouth and leave me alone. I'm 25 years old and you're treating me like I'm five for god's sake. I'm a grown woman and I want this in my life. I'm not letting this relationship end. Say what you want. Talk to your friends and let them say what they want. You don't know how I feel. You don't know the electric currents that run through my body when I'm around him. You don't feel and see the fireworks go off when I kiss him. GOD DAMNIT LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!! I'm screaming at the top of my lungs and you can't hear me or is that you don't care? I'm sitting here crying only wanting to be in his arms and you look at me and tell me I'm a child.
Yes I know what I have to do to get my life on track. I know that I have to get a job. Don't tell me that he should be telling me that he isn't going to talk to me until I start applying for jobs and getting interviews and start getting up in the morning. I don't want to hear your shit about what other people should be doing for me and with me. Call me a slut if you want. He doesn't see me that way. I don't think he ever will but if things turn and you are right and he sees me as a slut or a whore or a tramp one day or if things end with him and I then I will look at you and tell you were right and I will walk out the door and never turn back around to end throw you a dirty look.
I'm done with being told what is good for me and what isn't. Time to let me fall flat on my own face and pick myself up. Stop running to my side and picking up the pieces before I get a chance to do anything for myself. Just watch first thing in the morning. Watch this bitch spin your damn head off your shoulders. And don;t give me no shit about daddy getting in the way. He aint really my father in the first place. Let him try to say something.
Yes I know what I have to do to get my life on track. I know that I have to get a job. Don't tell me that he should be telling me that he isn't going to talk to me until I start applying for jobs and getting interviews and start getting up in the morning. I don't want to hear your shit about what other people should be doing for me and with me. Call me a slut if you want. He doesn't see me that way. I don't think he ever will but if things turn and you are right and he sees me as a slut or a whore or a tramp one day or if things end with him and I then I will look at you and tell you were right and I will walk out the door and never turn back around to end throw you a dirty look.
I'm done with being told what is good for me and what isn't. Time to let me fall flat on my own face and pick myself up. Stop running to my side and picking up the pieces before I get a chance to do anything for myself. Just watch first thing in the morning. Watch this bitch spin your damn head off your shoulders. And don;t give me no shit about daddy getting in the way. He aint really my father in the first place. Let him try to say something.
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